Afraid Of The Light
by lifelongfriends
Summary: When a terrible stragedy stikes Brooke Davis's life suddenly, everything completely changes. She moves out of the only town she's ever known, leaving behind close friends and an even closer boyfriend. She feels that with all this change, she needs to chan
1. Chapter 1

Authors Note: This is a new fic that me (Courtney) and Camilla are writing together. We're very excited about this, and we hope that you enjoy it! I won't say a lot about the story now, because it supposed to be a mystery. This story is mostly Brooke centered , but there will be some Brucas, since we're such huge fans. The Brooke in this fic is much different from what you're all used to, so hopefully you'll enjoy the change!

The title of the prologue is from the Goo Goo Dolls, Out Of The Red, along with the lyrics in the beginning. The Goo Goo Dolls and their lyrics will be playng a huge part in this story.

The prologue is being dedicated to **Jo **for just being amazing and such an awesome beta!

Make sure to review!

Disclaimor: We don't own the characters, those are all Mark's! We don't own The Goo Goo Dolls song, or their amazing lyrics either.

Prologue: Out Of The Red

_I'd rather hang with drunks than hang out with myself_

_Well, the booze is over there take a glass off the shelf_

_If you ain't had enough by tomorrow at noon_

_we're gonna place a call to the boneyard crew_

_Went to sleep at home and woke up in a shed_

Brooke Davis had never been one to cry. In fact, she had never that much cared for anyone, let alone enough to shed a few tears for them.

She hated to cry. To her, it was one of the biggest signs of weakness, and if there was something Brooke was not, it was weak.

Yet, she found herself curled up in a bed that wasn't hers with a box of kleenex she had swiped from her pretend sisters's room, and a bottle of vodka she had managed to buy with one of her many fake I.D.s.

She thought that the stinging sensation gliding down her throat and that the slight dizziness would make her feel better.

It didn't.

No matter how many identities she had, no matter how black her eyes were, no matter how many black tank tops she bought, she was still just her.

She was Brooke fucking Davis, queen of no one, but feared by many. She was still scarred for life, the souvenirs on her arms were the sign of just that. She was still the beauty queen who just wanted someone to love her, even though people just scoffed when they heard of her past. She didn't care about them anymore though, they could have their opinion. She couldn't blame them either. She herself had a hard time believing that the person with the intense, but lifeless eyes was her.

The only thing that was somewhat the same was her porcelain skin, even though it had also faded to the lighter shade of bone china, a paleness that would never be tanned no matter how hard she tried.  
Not that she tried anymore though, this new Brooke Davis wouldn't allow her to slip back into old habits.

Brooke moved herself off the bed and walked unsteadily around the room she was so generously being offered to live in. The walls were bare and with a bleak yellow color. Only a few sketches here and there covered the minor damages. Damages that gave proof that people had lived there before her.

Happy people, she guessed. That was until tragedy struck.

Tragedy always interferes, she concluded.

The only thing that was truly hers was a stuffed bear she had gotten for her fivth birthday. She loved it, like she had loved her parents. She also had her own clothes, but she wasn't so sure that they belonged to her either. She had bought them, she wore them, but they weren't hers. The leather skirts that enhanced her slim legs were her identity, and the big military boots were her cover. The scowl she wore screamed «get the fuck out of my face», and the black, heavy eyeliner was there to hide the truth behind her eyes; she just wanted someone to understand her.

Only one person did, but he wasn't the one for her.

She glanced in the mirror, and felt nausea wallowing in the pit of her stomach. She was disgusted with her tear stained cheeks, she was dissapointed in herself for feeling weak.

She needed a drink.

This was her life, this was what she had become.  
And this was what she wanted to get out of.

She tightened her grip around the bottle, and stumbled towards the calendar on her dresser. She looked at the date. It was already circled, but she circled it again anyway. This day meant the world to her, and hopefully it would mean something to the others as well.

She counted the days remaining and took another satisfied swig from the bottle when she was done.

In 30 days, Brooke Davis would cease to exist.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** Hello everyone! Okay, so it's been what...three months? I know, I stink. Blame it on school and homework and projects and life getting in the way! And blame it on my laziness too but mostly school!  
BUT! It's here. And hopefully it's good. I'm nervous. This would be my first EVER, peice of writing that I've ever put out there! I hope it's good and what you've all been waiting for! Let's take the time to thank, Jo, because she's amazing and beta'd this and then looked over it again and let me know that it was great!  
This is dedicated to **Camilla **because she's my ho, and I heart her. And even if she distracted me from getting this out there, she's still awesome. Her chapter will be up next!

A couple things before I start. There may or may not have been some confusion. But this is obviously AU...you probably all noticed that considering Brooke's way different. And the prologue was in the future and will be used later. This chapter is wayyy before the prologue and will continue on like that.

Okay, here we go! Enjoy. Leave reviews.

By the way: For anyone whose a member on OTHWriters 911...this story was updated on there way before it was on here. I just sort of...forgot to upload it here!

Disclaimor: We don't own the characters, those are all Mark's! And we don't own the Goo Goo Dolls! (Which the title and song are from!)

**Chapter 1: Smash**

_Smash  
I heard you crying  
Seven times this year  
Crash  
'Cause now you're smilin'  
Holding back those tears_

In a matter of seconds, her world had stumbled down.

She had been a carefree teenager, with her whole life in front of her. She was the queen of Charleston, the precious love child of her parents, and girlfriend of Brett Johnson. She had been happy, she had had friends and she was loved.

She hadn't been surprised when she had gotten that phone call from the hospital. In a way, she had seen it coming. She had often joked around about being psychic but Brett had always laughed it off by telling her that she was psychotic. She had laughed with him, and kissed his cheek.

But that day had been different. But today, it couldn't be joked about as a psychotic act; she had _known_ that something was wrong. She hadn't said anything that morning, but she had hugged her mom one extra time before she had gone off to school. She had called her dad during lunch break just to make sure that he was okay and that he was in fact coming to pick her up after cheerleading practice since her own beetle was at the annual check up.  
Her parents had always worried about her safety.

So, when she had gotten that call, she hadn't been all that surprised. She had been devastated. Everything had been perfect, maybe too perfect. Her life was going the right way but it had felt like the calm before the storm.

_'Slide' by Goo Goo Dolls sang out of her purse while she waited to be picked up after cheerleading practice and she figured it was her parents telling her they were on their way. They were late, as usual, but she didn't mind waiting. She didn't bother to look at the caller ID to check if it wasn't her parents. Oh, no, not at all. _

"Brooke Davis?" An unfamiliar male voice spoke through.

"Um…yeah?" She said.

"This is Doctor Katz. I'm calling from the Charleston Memorial Hospital._ I'm afraid I have some bad news." _

"Okay. Is everything alright?" She asked. She became anxious and worried at once. Not sure what was going on and why the hospital would be calling her on her cell phone. She closed her eyes and prepared herself for the news that could alter her life.

"Well, there's no easy way to say this, Brooke. But um…" He paused.  
Brooke tightened her grasp on the phone as he paused. She just wanted him to get whatever the hell he needed to say, out. Brooke was not one for patience and right now, she wanted to scream if he didn't tell her sooner. Her palms became sweaty and her heart started to thump harder. What if…it was her parents? No, it couldn't be! They were picking her up….right? "You're parents got into a really bad car accident, Brooke. We tried everything we could do. But uh…they didn't make it."

The last sentence hit her. Hard. Loud sobbing cries poured out of her. She couldn't stop it; they just kept coming. She fell to the ground, as her tears created little pools on the concrete ground around her, her cell phone long ignored.

Staring at her the reflection, Brooke wiped away a few stray tears. But she didn't look like the Brooke Davis that usually stared back at her. Her eyes were still puffy from the numerous hours of crying she had done this week. Dark circles accompanied the puffiness from the few hours of sleep she had gotten. A black t-shirt along with dark jeans hugged her figure, the attire much different from the usual bright colors and short skirts.

After putting on her makeup, Brooke picked up the eyeliner again. She contemplated adding more, giving her an edgier and darker look. She decided to do so and applied it to the top and bottom of her eyes. Admiring the difference to her face, she smiled softly to herself.

Shortly after, the shrill sound of the doorbell rang through Brooke's house. She knew it was Brett, coming to be there for her when the real estate agent showed up. She walked down the stairs, not rushing like she usually would. Her relationship with Brett had been strained since her parents had been gone. They weren't as close anymore and there was no playful banter between them. She knew he could tell she wasn't fully with it as much as she used to be. Honestly, she didn't care that it was slowly coming to an end. She was leaving soon anyway.

"Hey!" Brett said, a smile dancing across his adorable face.

"Hi." Brooke said, moving aside to let him know he could come in. He walked in, leaning forward to kiss her lips. She allowed him to do so, but did not reciprocate the kiss. Brett noticed but pushed it aside for the time being.

Brett watched Brooke as he walked in. He took note of one obvious change, the dark black coal that coated her eyes, it was not the Brooke Davis he had known for all these years. One of the many things he loved about her was the fact that she didn't wear tons of makeup like other girls. She was naturally pretty and he had told her numerous times that she looked even better without makeup.

As they walked into the kitchen, Brooke pulled out a pack of cigarettes from her back pocket. She put the long, white cylinder in her mouth and lit it as if it was nothing in the world. Brett was so stunned, he didn't know what to say or do. And the fact that she acted like she didn't care shocked him even more. She had always been one to say she'd never smoke. 'Ew, your teeth turn yellow and your breath smells,' she had told him once.

Brett could not let this one go. "Brooke?" He questioned.

"Yeah…?" She said, blowing a puff of smoke into the air.

He wasn't sure if he should say anything to her about it. Lately, everything he said seemed to set her off. He had avoided many fights between them because he knew she was going through a hard time. He followed Brooke into the kitchen and sat down at the table as she made something for breakfast.

"Brooke, I know you're going through a hard time and that you're hurting, but you need to stop this."

She turned around, hand on her hip, cigarette between her right index and middle fingers and her eyebrow raised. "Excuse me?"

He sighed because he knew he shouldn't have said something but it was too late now.

"Look at your eyes, Brooke! I've never seen you wear that much makeup in the six years I've known you! And _smoking_? Are you crazy? When have you ever even _thought_ of smoking?! And the black clothes…I didn't even know you owned black! Not to mention you've been hot and cold with me lately. You've got to have noticed that our relationship is strained."

Brooke couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Wait, let me get this straight. You want me to stop wearing makeup, buying black t-shirts and smoking this one single cigarette?" She questioned, with a hint of sarcasm in her tone.

Brett shrugged, afraid that saying anything else would make the conversation worse.

"And what if I don't?" She really didn't care anymore. Brett was being absolutely ridiculous.

He sighed yet again, closing his eyes for a brief moment. "Then I don't think we can…um…"

"Can what, Brett?" Her voice was cold and emotionless now.

"- Can be together anymore, Brooke. I'll still be there for you whenever you need me but I can't be your boyfriend anymore. You've changed and our relationship has changed."

Brooke was surprised. She never thought Brett would have the guts to break up with her. They had been together since sophomore year and friends for years before that. They had fights, no doubt about that, but it had never led to them breaking up.

"Fine. Just go. I don't need you. I'm leaving anyway."

Brett was flabbergasted when he heard her. Just because he was breaking up with her did not mean he wanted her out of his life.

"What?! I thought you were just moving to an apartment after you sold the house."

"Guess you thought wrong. Bye Brett, make sure the door doesn't hit you on the way out."

He stared at her. He stared at her long and hard, taking in the Brooke Davis he would always love. He broke the connection and hesitated just a little, hoping she would change her mind.

She didn't.

So he got up. Walked towards the door, but not before looking back. All he saw was the new Brooke, the Brooke who smoked, the Brooke who wore black and the Brooke who seemed to be changing before his eyes.

"Bye, Brooke." He whispered, before closing the door behind him.

Brooke quickly wiped away the tears that she hadn't known fell from her eyes. For a split second, she thought about not changing.

But only a split second.

-------------------------------

Sue Jones, the Real Estate agent and family friend of the Davis's showed up shortly after the break-up. Brooke was in a terrible mood but attempted to put a smile on her face. She wasn't sure if she wanted to deal with this right now, the subject of her parents would definitely be coming up.

"Brookie! How are you?"

Brooke cringed at the name. Her parents had always called her that.  
Sue immediately noticed the change on Brooke's face. "Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. It just sort of rolls of the tongue and you know me, always talking before thinking."

Brooke flashed her trademark fake smile before she replied.

"I'm doing good. And really, Sue, it's okay. How are you?" She figured they could talk in the living room, hopefully make the situation a bit more comfortable.

"I'm fine! I'm sorry to hear about your parents, dear. It really was very shocking. You know I'm here if you need me." Brooke saw the tears glistening in Sue's eyes and knew if she cried, Brooke would start too. And she couldn't _bear_ to shed any more tears for her parents.

"Thank you, Sue." Brooke nodded. "But about the house…"

Sue gladly took the opportunity to change the subject. "Yes, the house! Okay, so I've been thinking about the price we should list the house at. It really is gorgeous and your parents always kept it nice and most of the rooms are modernized, so I was thinking around $1,500,000. What do you think?"

Brooke had no idea what the hell selling a house entailed, but she knew she could trust Sue. "I think that's perfect. Now, you know I'm leaving Friday, right?"

Sue nodded. "Yes, that's what you told me. You're putting most of the stuff into storage, correct?"

Brooke hadn't really thought about it. Her parents had left the house and cars to her in their will but she didn't really know what to do with it all. She nodded. "Yeah, that would probably be the best idea."

Between the break-up this morning, the fact that she was selling her childhood home and being reminded of her parents not being alive, Brooke was stressed. So, she grabbed another cigarette and could have sworn that it almost gave Sue a heart attack.

"Okay, that's um…great. I think that uh….your house should sell, pretty soon…but um…Brooke, what are you doing?"

"Smoking. It calms me."

Sue looked as if she had another heart attack but seemed to try to push aside all the new things about Brooke. She was going through a hard time, it would surely pass.

"Okay." Sue knew this was hard on Brooke so decided to wrap it up. "So, we've figured just about everything out. I'll make brochures tonight and put them outside tomorrow. The sign in the front will go up as well. I'll also put the listing online so more people know about it. And then depending on whether we have an offer by next week, I'll put it in to the newspaper. There's nothing left for you to worry about, though. I'll contact you once the house is sold so you can get the money and if you want come and say goodbye. Anything else?"

"Nope, you covered everything." Brooke said as she took another drag of the cigarette. This would be her fifth one today and she knew she was getting addicted.

Sue sensed Brooke wanted her to leave, so she looked glanced at her watch. "Well, I have another appointment at 3, so I should be going," she fibbed.  
Brooke nodded and put her cigarette out on the coffee table. She thought about how much her parents would flip if they had ever known she even thought about doing that.

They would probably flip about a lot of changes Brooke had made.

They walked down to the front door and before stepping outside, Sue grabbed Brooke's right hand and became serious. "Listen, Brooke, I know a lot is going on in your life and that it's very hard to deal with. But I'm always just a phone call away if you ever need me, okay? I loved your parents very much, Brooke and I love you just as much, so I'll help you through anything." She smiled sadly and Brooke knew it was out of pity and guilt.

"I'll definitely take you up on that offer, Sue. Thank you for everything," Brooke lied.

Sue gave Brooke's hand a comforting squeeze and walked out the door. As she got to her car, she prayed to whatever God was up there that Brooke would be able to overcome this.

-------------------------

Brooke took another drag of her cigarette as she stared at her childhood home. This would be the last time she would cry for her parents. Once she got into that car, she would be the new and improved Brooke. The Brooke that didn't cry over spilt milk and didn't wear those disgusting preppy clothes. She was changing and there was no way she would go back.

Brooke smiled through her tears at the red door. She was no longer the girl behind it. The old Brooke Davis would miss it, just like she'd miss her parents, just like she'd miss Brett, just like she'd miss her friends but the new Brooke Davis wouldn't miss anything. Or anyone. Ever.

So she got into her packed to the roof blue beetle, took one last look at the white house and drove away.  
She pulled out another cigarette as she passed the 'Thanks for visiting Charleston' sign and laughed out loud at the freedom that she now had as her new screamo music poured out of the speakers.

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Review please! )


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